I absolutely adore this website and this particular set of chilren's clothing is just delishious

So This is Christmas

Ok so I never published this back when I should, have my pride sometimes stops me from doing the things I should and sharing things that I think people will judge me for, but then I looked back and this was honest and I thought I should share it.

I have never felt this way before. I am a big Christmas sucker, I come by it honestly as my mother is possibly the biggest Christmas Sucker in the entire universe (besides Buddy the Elf) and she taught me all of her Christmas wonderment ways. This year, however lyrics like Paul McCartney's so this is Christmas, and Relient K's Always Winter resound in my ears. I have little to no Christmas Spirit, and this fact in and of itself (let alone the causes of it) is enough to make me sick to my stomache. I know that Christmas isn't about Santa, and trees, and snow, it is about something very much bigger that came in a very little package, yet even that I do not feel. I feel as it is almost a waste of time, and what the heck am I doing tucked away in my warm home with a feast of Christmas foods and gifts, when babies are starving, and so many are dying or in pain. Is that Christmas, forgetting about the pain, and the suffering for a day of presents and stuffing your face?

I recently went looking for a Christmas film to play in church on Christmas Eve, and my own ideas of Christmas sickened my, because it was one film in particular that made tears run down my cheek, of the lonely and starving and cold, and I thought to myself; No, no one wants to be crying on Christmas Eve, it is supposed to be peaceful and magical, and happy, but why? Because of the magic that happened that night? But what about all of the nights after that, what is Christmas Spirit andyway? Is it just that night?

I am trying to get in this Christmas Spirit that I so used to love and jump for joy with happiness and comfort and joy and all that, I am listening to music about small birds in fruit trees, and angels, and babies that don't cry (which lets face it is really unrealistic) and still I feel nothing, except this deep feeling of being a hypocrit, and I am putting off anything to do with Chirstmas; shopping, wrapping, baking, even preparing for Christmas Eve (which is kind of important as I am in charge of a bunch of stuff) but I just don't know what to do. Everything feels so empty, and pointless. I am angry, and that fact is that I am most likely going to delete this and never let you all read it, because it is Christmas, and I don't want to share my pain with you, I want you all to feel love and happiness and peace and joy and all of that because that is my way of loving you.

Things always look different in the Morning

Ok sorry people, I had a really bad night physical pain wise, and I got emotional cause someone did something stupid that hurt my feelings. Laura and I have this saying about how I am always so different at night, or something about the dark and the light, well it is true; it is morning now and things feel different, even somewhat silly and stupid. Even though my feelings were hurt, and that is valid as Ali has told me, it was all escalated by pain and exhaustion, and anyway it is morning now (or early afternoon as the case may be) and I am ok.

You know sometimes your heart breaks and you are hurt by something you might not even think is such a big deal when you look back on it. But people don't think. They don't think about how their words and actions can hurt someone. They make a joke or say something without thinking and it hurts. Maybe if I weren't in so much pain already, if it hadn't been a bad day, or if one simple thing had gone differently it wouldn't hurt so badly. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here with tears running down my cheeks thinking about how much I wanted my best friend to be awake right now so she could say things to me that would make the tears stop and make me feel less alone. It might not seem like anything to some people but when is enough to much? The little things built up tonight, and one to many people made a few harmless remarks. So now my head is pounding and it's three in the morning and I can't sleep because my heart hurts, because other parts of the body hurt me without even thinking about what their words would do. Why do we do that? Why are we so Freaking Human sometimes and not so Freaking Christian?! I feel like and idiot, because I don't cry in front of people and I try not to let things hurt me and here I am crying in front of all of you, because I let people in and they hurt me. I am sorry if this post isn't uplifting or sounds like a bunch of whinning to you, but talking and writing help me to feel better and right now I am hurt so I wanted to tell you. Thats all now maybe I can sleep

Grosgrain: Orange Poppy GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Grosgrain: Orange Poppy GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!! This is such an awesome necklace you should check it.

Frost Bite, and Indian Names

Ok so I am in a very funny mood. I started the day off slightly normal and as time went on, I went through a slew of emotions, and all sort of thoughts ran through my head. I was Happy, even jovial, and then depressed, and then ANGRY, and now I am hyper and can't stop typing and smiling, and thinking of extremely strange things in my head. A second ago I was listening to loud angry music (one of my favorite playlists for when the world sucks) and now I am humming away to Where the Wild Things Are. Can you honestly think about murdering every pedophile in the world in one moment and in the flash of an eye come up with a hilarious Indian name for your friend (Stands With Stubbed Toe [in case you wanted to know])? Well I guess you can, because that is definately how my mind is working right now. I feel very very random, perhaps it is the frost bite setting in, yes that must be it, it has spread from my toes, fingers, and nose, just like leprosy, and it is effecting my brain. Oh Well. At least if that is true I will be smiling as I die suffering of frost bite leprosy.

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

This Jewelry is beyond Beautiful!!!