I know where I came from, I know who my parents are, and they're parents, and even they're parents before them, but still there are so many mysteries, and now the only grandparent that I have left to tell me the stories has dementia; so she is essentially gone too.
When I was a child I knew exactly what and who I wanted to be, not who I was, but who I wanted to be, then it changed...everything changed. I became lost. I had no path, I still have no path, no line of sight in which I can walk knowingly secure in the knowledge that it leads somewhere. I don't know where I am going and I don't know who I am. I feel lost.
I have always been fascinated with history and genealogy and some say that I can even tell a story about something that happened long before I was born, just as if I had loved through it myself. So I began to search for who I am in the past. Where did I come from, who is my family, why is so much information missing, who are the people long lost in pictures that there is no longer anyone to tell me who they are. Everyone deserves to be remembered, but they are lost, and so besides the fact that the same blood runs through my veins that ran through theirs, I feel a kindredness with them. Who are they? Why were they forgotten? They were part of my family, how did they become lost? I search for these answers as I dig through the past, and as I search I try to find myself.
Who A I?
I love these pictures, they're wonderful. And even though there always seems to be mystery in family (on my dads side particularly), I have a strong feeling that anything from the past that deals with your family won't tell you or help you figure out who you are. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Laura. It isn't your past that makes you who you are. And, it isn't who you're related to either (or I'd be in a world of trouble, LOL!). AND, just my opinion but I would also say that it isn't what you DO that makes you who you are. Who you are is God's beloved daughter, idenity comes from Him. And as for what path you're on, one foot in front of the other. You won't see the end, that is where trusting God to lead comes into play. More easily said than done, I sure know that!
ReplyDeleteI'll give you hint - besides that Briana covered it, part of who you are is that you care about the past, all the stories. It's part of who you always will be, too. But really, only God can tell you who you are. (Except that a lot of times He sounds like the people who love you.)
ReplyDeleteYa know, I am doing an Esther study and the author said, "You cannot amputate your history from your destiny." See, the way I see it our history is where God's redemption power shines. The fact that we were delivered from our past and given a destiny is so important in our testimony and how we strengthen others. As for the actual historical past, that is important too. God had given you a desire to know these things and there is a reason for that that you must embrace - it is part of who you are. However I know that I often use the past to hide from the present and future.
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed a beloved child of God, His princess, His called, His chosen child. And the path you are on may seem shrouded in darkness but that just means He will be bringing you into the light when you are ready to see it. How exciting that will be!
If I missed the point, know I love you so!