Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Things always look different in the Morning

Ok sorry people, I had a really bad night physical pain wise, and I got emotional cause someone did something stupid that hurt my feelings. Laura and I have this saying about how I am always so different at night, or something about the dark and the light, well it is true; it is morning now and things feel different, even somewhat silly and stupid. Even though my feelings were hurt, and that is valid as Ali has told me, it was all escalated by pain and exhaustion, and anyway it is morning now (or early afternoon as the case may be) and I am ok.

Monday, November 2, 2009

You know sometimes your heart breaks and you are hurt by something you might not even think is such a big deal when you look back on it. But people don't think. They don't think about how their words and actions can hurt someone. They make a joke or say something without thinking and it hurts. Maybe if I weren't in so much pain already, if it hadn't been a bad day, or if one simple thing had gone differently it wouldn't hurt so badly. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here with tears running down my cheeks thinking about how much I wanted my best friend to be awake right now so she could say things to me that would make the tears stop and make me feel less alone. It might not seem like anything to some people but when is enough to much? The little things built up tonight, and one to many people made a few harmless remarks. So now my head is pounding and it's three in the morning and I can't sleep because my heart hurts, because other parts of the body hurt me without even thinking about what their words would do. Why do we do that? Why are we so Freaking Human sometimes and not so Freaking Christian?! I feel like and idiot, because I don't cry in front of people and I try not to let things hurt me and here I am crying in front of all of you, because I let people in and they hurt me. I am sorry if this post isn't uplifting or sounds like a bunch of whinning to you, but talking and writing help me to feel better and right now I am hurt so I wanted to tell you. Thats all now maybe I can sleep