Monday, June 1, 2009
Crying
Lately I have had this problem; I haven't been able to cry. This may sound a little weird especially if you know me—I don't cry, at least not around people if I can help it—if I cry I prefer to do so in the privacy of my room alone writing, reading, praying, or alone and watching a particularly sad movie that reminds me of something that hits homes and then bring on the tears! The only thing is lately I haven't even been able to do any of those things. Crying can be very cathartic and I could really use some catharses right about now. I am in so much pain and while this in and of it self does not make me cry, the pain builds up and eats at you emotionally and then there is family stuff and just crap that eats at you. Right about now I should really be able to cry, especially since I have had a migraine for the last 6 days that just keeps pounding away at my head; in fact right about a week ago I should have been able to cry but I can't. Oh sure I can muster up a tear or two, it is not as if my tear ducts are not working, and I can be effected emotionally by something but it's not enough. What I need right now is a gut wrenching, body shaking sob that makes you feel better somehow, the kind of cry that wrecks you and makes you feel cleaner, but I just can't seem to be able to cry and I don't know why. I have tried sad movies, music that always makes me feel something, pictures of those I love and have lost, I have tried so very hard to cry and I can't and this just makes me want to cry even harder.
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mamma janna. i too have not been able to cry... and even though i hate it... i need it... i hope you find it soon... ily. vm.
ReplyDeleteI feel like what you're looking for is only something that the Holy Spirit will quench. Movies...music...things of the world, they're not satisfying, even when it's a good cry that you need. I think it's something that will be brought on by God, and bring healing...
ReplyDeletePs. I wish I could give you all the tears I've cried...it's ridiculous to cry over someone who hurt you...I've decided I'm not doing it anymore.
I too have had a hard time crying. I'm not sure why. I wonder if it is because I am "all cried out", or if I too like Laura have realized that it can be kind of pointless at times, like feeling sorry for myself. I don't know. I usually cry at the drop of a hat. I can still get teary eyed pretty easily, but maybe I'm getting stronger. Maybe you are too Janna. I pray we all are.
ReplyDeleteJanna, I was talking to someone today, and what they were saying made me realize something, and then it made me think of you. Think about Eve. Think about the way she felt...when Satan was telling her that basically God was holding out on her, that there were bigger and better things that he wasn't going to provide from her. I believe that the feeling that God's holding out on us is something that has been a generational thing that passed down to many women. How many women fall for a guy, who isn't good enough for them, who isn't the best person for them, that maybe will meet 3 things on their list of what they want in a person, and say, ok, I'll settle for that...Don't settle for living in pain! It's not the way you were meant to live! Don't live in that mentality that you're ok and willing to live with it and settle! God has bigger and better things for you, and He will come through, and he WILL provide the release of pain. I don't know if that speaks to you at all, I just kinda had an epiphany and wanted to share it with you. I love you so much, and do NOT want to see you settle for less than what God has for your life, even if you don't know what that is yet.
ReplyDeleteDarling, I don't know what to say except I get it, and I love you and I'm praying.
ReplyDeleteSo, you gonna post what you wrote the other day?? I really liked it.
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