Crying

Lately I have had this problem; I haven't been able to cry. This may sound a little weird especially if you know me—I don't cry, at least not around people if I can help it—if I cry I prefer to do so in the privacy of my room alone writing, reading, praying, or alone and watching a particularly sad movie that reminds me of something that hits homes and then bring on the tears! The only thing is lately I haven't even been able to do any of those things. Crying can be very cathartic and I could really use some catharses right about now. I am in so much pain and while this in and of it self does not make me cry, the pain builds up and eats at you emotionally and then there is family stuff and just crap that eats at you. Right about now I should really be able to cry, especially since I have had a migraine for the last 6 days that just keeps pounding away at my head; in fact right about a week ago I should have been able to cry but I can't. Oh sure I can muster up a tear or two, it is not as if my tear ducts are not working, and I can be effected emotionally by something but it's not enough. What I need right now is a gut wrenching, body shaking sob that makes you feel better somehow, the kind of cry that wrecks you and makes you feel cleaner, but I just can't seem to be able to cry and I don't know why. I have tried sad movies, music that always makes me feel something, pictures of those I love and have lost, I have tried so very hard to cry and I can't and this just makes me want to cry even harder.