I absolutely adore this website and this particular set of chilren's clothing is just delishious

So This is Christmas

Ok so I never published this back when I should, have my pride sometimes stops me from doing the things I should and sharing things that I think people will judge me for, but then I looked back and this was honest and I thought I should share it.

I have never felt this way before. I am a big Christmas sucker, I come by it honestly as my mother is possibly the biggest Christmas Sucker in the entire universe (besides Buddy the Elf) and she taught me all of her Christmas wonderment ways. This year, however lyrics like Paul McCartney's so this is Christmas, and Relient K's Always Winter resound in my ears. I have little to no Christmas Spirit, and this fact in and of itself (let alone the causes of it) is enough to make me sick to my stomache. I know that Christmas isn't about Santa, and trees, and snow, it is about something very much bigger that came in a very little package, yet even that I do not feel. I feel as it is almost a waste of time, and what the heck am I doing tucked away in my warm home with a feast of Christmas foods and gifts, when babies are starving, and so many are dying or in pain. Is that Christmas, forgetting about the pain, and the suffering for a day of presents and stuffing your face?

I recently went looking for a Christmas film to play in church on Christmas Eve, and my own ideas of Christmas sickened my, because it was one film in particular that made tears run down my cheek, of the lonely and starving and cold, and I thought to myself; No, no one wants to be crying on Christmas Eve, it is supposed to be peaceful and magical, and happy, but why? Because of the magic that happened that night? But what about all of the nights after that, what is Christmas Spirit andyway? Is it just that night?

I am trying to get in this Christmas Spirit that I so used to love and jump for joy with happiness and comfort and joy and all that, I am listening to music about small birds in fruit trees, and angels, and babies that don't cry (which lets face it is really unrealistic) and still I feel nothing, except this deep feeling of being a hypocrit, and I am putting off anything to do with Chirstmas; shopping, wrapping, baking, even preparing for Christmas Eve (which is kind of important as I am in charge of a bunch of stuff) but I just don't know what to do. Everything feels so empty, and pointless. I am angry, and that fact is that I am most likely going to delete this and never let you all read it, because it is Christmas, and I don't want to share my pain with you, I want you all to feel love and happiness and peace and joy and all of that because that is my way of loving you.